Not Quite “Untethered”
I pulled a rather dramatic move at the airport last night. 😱😅
Think General Hospital–level drama (if you’re old enough to remember).
I was sending my guests—my ex in‑laws and extended family—off at the airport. We were enjoying a final lobster-and-seafood meal before boarding. My ex was driving their luggage over separately to meet us.
And then I was confronted—again—with the mistress.
Something in me snapped.
I took a stand. I gathered my kids and my ex‑niece and deliberately moved away to the dining area near check‑in so the cousins could play one last time. It felt clear. Intentional. A boundary.
Apparently not clear enough.
The mistress joined us at the same table shortly after. I felt my boundary had been crossed—again. My chest tightened. My blood pressure spiked. I yelled at my ex to “take your mistress away from me.”
I had already moved. I had already yielded. And still, here she was.
Afterward, I felt… conflicted.
A little bad.
And a little not bad at all.
I apologized to my ex sister‑in‑law and her mother‑in‑law for the outburst. But my body stayed activated for hours. My heart kept racing long after the moment passed.
Which led me back to a familiar question:
Why can’t I just let it go? Why can’t I ignore it and not let external forces affect me?
I’ve been doing all the spiritual reading. Michael Singer’s The Untethered Soul has had a profound impact on my life since everything fell apart. I understand the ideas—at least intellectually. And yet, when I’m thrown back into that deeply uncomfortable situation, my body doesn’t seem to care what I’ve read. It reacts before my mind can catch up.
This morning, I went on a long bike ride and replayed the scene over and over while climbing hills. Still trying to understand the why. Still trying to figure out how to sit in the “center,” to simply acknowledge, and let it pass through.
On the bright side, all that mental churn did help me push extra hard and PR’ed on the climbs. 😅
